King of Fighters: Worst Movie Ever!

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

Ok, we know for a fact that videogame movies suck as a rule. That’s one of the things I have gotten to accept as one of the facts of life. So, when King of fighters movie was announced, I didn't even need to look at the trailer to know it sucked, the trailer only solidified my belief.

So, I didn't watch it until now, when it was on TV. And I have to say, I’m impressed! It was way above my expectations.

It was so shamelessly pathetic, that it even dethroned Tekken as the most WTF? Movie ever. Which in itself is an achievement. I mean seriously, what the hell is this?

If you don’t know King of Fighters, please, just leave this page. For the rest of you, let me give a picture of what a blasphemy this is.

Mai is dating Iori...IORI! (Don’t celebrate just yet Fanfiction/Hentai writers!) Iori who does not has his trademark red hair, and also just wears a pony,instead of his iconic pangs. He takes her to show her a display of the three sacred treasures, where they meet Chizuru. Iori and Chizuru are like the best of buds. So, Rugal (Ray Park) just walks in and shoots the guards, picks treasures and runs away. And I meant ‘shoots the guards”...with guns!

It must be said here that though it’d still be probably the worst videogame movie (Worst Movie) to date without Ray Park playing Rugal, but he contributes to it TREMENDOUSLY! He is practically a joker. It’s like he hasn’t came out of his Toad character from X-men yet, and multiplied it by Jim Carry’s Riddler. This was so RETARDEDLY Pathetic OMG! I’ll give you an idea, in one scene, he wears a ice hockey mask with the rest of the kit and attacks Mature and Vice, in another he tries to act like an Italian mafia mobster with a cigar. In yet another, he tries to beat Kyo with a...wait for it...baseball bat, with a full-fledge commentary.

It is soon revealed that Terry Bogard (Larger than Life, Hungry Wolf, anyone?) is a CIA agent( Yes, so much for Southtown’s #1) , and so is Mai (Yes!). It doesn't end there. Mr. Biggs is a security guard. The fights don’t take place in the world, instead they go to this ‘other dimension’. Mai gets the center stage, as if she is Chizuru (You can tell someone was thinking with the wrong head). Mai is like even more central to the plot than Kyo and Iori put together. Not only does she has Lightening Powers, she stands with Kyo and Iori throughout the movie as if she is from Yata Clan (and Chizuru’s just a side character), only to be handed the position officially by Chizuru towards the end. So much for Bloodlines...

Last but not the least, the protagonist, Kyo is the reason why this movie drags so much. He is a pacifist, and doesn’t even know anyone else when the movie begins. He spends the rest of the movie showing attitude and being a crybaby. He doesn't has his revolutionary hairstyle, rather spikes take the stage. Oh and apparently he is obsessed with being like water. You’re KYO ***KING KUSANAGI, The Scion of Flame, you’re the child of Sun itself, y’ piece of ***t!

Since, he does not know Iori in the start, so, so much for the genre-defining arch-rivalry. There were no game related moves at all! The ones that were there made you wish they were not. Iori was a disappointment too, but he doesn't go out of his way to rub it in your face. Kyo was like Big Moose, when he was slightly younger. Mai had more screen-time than all the other characters put together. And Rugal, well lets just say, if I see him, I will kill him. That’s a promise.

KOF movie was a sad piece of crap, and its makers should be made to pay for crimes against humanity. They did it with Street Fighter (twice), They did it with Super Mario, They did it with DragonballZ, They did it with Tekken, and now they’ve done it with King of Fighters. It is time we stand up in the face of this tyranny...

... and give them all a Forbidden Maiden Masher coupled with an Orochinagi...and a Buster Wolf...